yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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