Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
