She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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