My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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