am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
