How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
