Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
