I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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