Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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