got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They have beer where we have blood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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