Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
