Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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