Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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