Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
