The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
