my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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