with your own penis?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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