Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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