cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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