I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
