We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
