Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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