If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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