She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
