just come out here and I will go home with you...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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