Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
