I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love having hate sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
