i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
