So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
