So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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