I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
