Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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