The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize