Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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