she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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