Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
