last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
