You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
