3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
