May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
