I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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