So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you never un-have a 4some
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
