wrigley field is MILF paradise
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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