I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize