It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
