The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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