yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
