That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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