I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
