If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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