Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
