you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
