So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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