I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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