you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
