Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
