So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
