Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
