We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
tell me about the eggs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
