69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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