The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize