You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
