Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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