4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
