I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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