I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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